Regardless, I don't know if I should be admitting this, but I now have a smart-phone. Incidentally, i'm also now a massive Radiohead fan and enjoy Tweeting ironically about shit that no-one cares about while i'm "checking in" in line at the fucking bakery, then updating my status about how the bakery have sold out of my favourite hamburger rolls.
I'm also enjoying my new Maroon 3/4 Chino's and lame ass boat shoes that i never liked or understood. I guess I better shave my legs, chest and everything shaveable for that matter.
I also better start hitting the gym because these XL low cut singlets with images of palm trees or hideous half naked sluts on the front are hard to pull off, even if you are a heavily tattooed skinny white dude, but i'll get there.
I didn't even want this fucking thing. I went in to the phone store thinking "rad, i can get the next basic model upgrade". Wrong. If i wanted anything more basic i would need a Delorean with a working flux capacitor and the weather conditions to be just right.
Anyway,I feel like a knob walking around with a giant flat-screen tv attacthed to the side of my fucking head, but i'm told the Samsung Galaxy SIII is dope, so whatever. I wouldn't mind getting Angry Birds because that game is amazing, but i have no idea how to.
Do i feel like a hypocrite for jumping on board the Smart Phone revolution after being so against it?
Nope.
Do i feel like a giant douchebag?
You bet.
Moral of this story is i'll go fuck myself, and i implore you all to do the same.
You should fuck yourself with your smart phone there's probably an app for that now.
ReplyDeletefunnily enough, there is, and it works.
DeleteGood to hear Dan. I thought the chino's and boat shoes comment was a thinly veiled hint that you were coming out of the closet. I guess fucking yourself with a smart phone confirms it. I think you're next blog should be about the merit of butt plugs. You'll probably need them.
Deleteas much as i'm sure you wish i was coming out of the closet for your benefit, i'm sorry to disappoint you. however it sounds like you might be one of these 3/4 Maroon chino wearing people from the shire who have taken offense at that comment, so i can't hold that against you. maybe you should write a blog about your infatuation with me? i'm sure it would get a shit-tonne of hits. if i do write my next rant about butt pluds, can i run the rough draft by you as i'm sure you'd know alot more about them than i would. i'll even credit you with a co-write.
Deleteplugs, that is. or you could all chill the fuck out and just have a laugh. or like i said, simply stop reading. it's a bit of fun fro christ's sake.
DeleteButt plugs ay? I had a girlfriend once who had a massive fascination for them. She was from the shire too.
DeleteHey Dan do you ever watch that tv show called The Shire? Do you reckon Mitch will break Gabby’s heart and dump her again? I can wait for next week. Btw I wonder if Vernesa and Sohpie are into butt plugs too?
funnily enough, the butt plugs insult kinda sounds like something a disgruntled ex girlfriend might say, but i'm not sure she could write that well and she has no real right to be disgruntled, but you never know.
DeleteRod, i'm not sure anyone outside of the Shire cares about that tv show
LOL! So true. I can't believe people actually watch the Shire.
DeleteI gave it about 10 mins on the first episode and then couldn't believe people spent money on this for the rest of the world to see.
I have to say it's very refreshing to see a guy who is in touch with his feelings and willing to express them. I've dated so many guys who used to put me down and I felt like I was never good enough. It took me a while to respect myself and realise that it's not my problem they don't like who I am.
Don't worry about what other people think. Don't listen to any of it. Just keep on doing your thing soon enough people will understand how awesome you are.
it could've gone either way Nicole and i don't know if you're taking the piss out of me (i hope yr not), but in hidsight i probably shouldn't have written my last non rant but i had to write something and thats what came out. i'm not going into what happened during the relationship, but it wasn't fun, although it felt cathartic getting the words out of my head. lesson learned though.
Deletealso, it's refreshing to read someone on here that can reply with clarity, so thanks Nicole.
DeleteRod, Mitch will clearly break Gabby's heart again because he is probably a massive bellend.
Hi Dan / Nicole,
DeleteAny of you guys be watching the Olympics? How crazy is China, they are smashing it. You reckon they are taking steroids?
btw are yous from Sydney?
that Chinese teenage is either on steroids, or the Chinese have perfected a technique of splicing human dna with a dolphin's, making it invisible to see when being tested for doping.
DeleteSydney yes, Shire, no.
Hey Rod,
DeleteYeah from Sydney and definately nowhere near the Shire.
lmaoo, or do you reckon her mum banged a dolphin? hahaha
Deletekool me to, im from maroubra, were all localz.
what are yous doing this weekend? do yous have facebook?
?? wats ur asl nicole
Deletenicoleeeee...?
Deletehey Dan wats ur last name? im tryn to find u on fb but ders too many dans.
its like that song "too many danz on the dance floor"
??
DeleteDan are we friends or what? ur so in decisive I thought we were mates.
Delete+ 1
ReplyDeleteI understand where you're coming from so I will also pour my heart out so you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 6-7 I had a pet turtle.
My dad found it on the road and decided to adopt it and get it to good health before returning it to the local river.
I became very attached to that turtle, I named him scruffy and we became pals.
He might not have liked me because he'd been removed from his natural habitat into our small backyard but he roamed around looking bored and I would always make sure to bring him some lamingtons in case he was looking for a snack.
Anyway, one day I came home from school and went to get some lamingtons for Scruffy only problem was I couldn’t find him. I asked dad where Scruffy was and he said he was feeling better so Scruffy is now at the river having a rad time with his friends.
I will always miss Scruffy and will never forgive myself for not getting the chance to say goodbye.
When I was a teenager I had a lot of friends. I was very outgoing and always ready for fun.
I had a loving family and a great education, however the problem started when I started smoking weed and I got kicked out of home at the tender young age of 15. My parents are very strict and they couldn't accept the fact I was only experimenting and were so furious they didn't want to see my face anymore. I was staying on friend's couches, until their families were sick of me and I ended up living on the streets, while working a shit maccas job.
It was difficult trying to find shelters that would take me so I could find somewhere semi-warm. Winter was the worst!
Since then I have worked my butt off to be where I am, I have a great full-time job, I'm in 4 different bands and have just signed a record deal.
We should be off the SXSW next year and so pumped.
A few years ago I was involved in a very bad car accident in Europe while on tour with my band. We all suffered really bad internal injuries and had to be rushed to hospital on the stretchers.
All our equipment was trashed, guitars snapped, pedals all over the freeway, drums down embankments. It was a huge deal and we're all lucky to be alive.
This did not stop me from moving on, I have since returned to Europe twice for touring and loved every second of it.
Life is shit, I totally get that but not picking yourself up and moving does not help anyone - not even your closest friends.
I’m really thankful to be alive, healthy, have an income, a fab house, great wardrobe and a great selection of shoes.
PS I think Maroon Chinos with boat shoes rule (not sure about the 3/4's). You should totes get some black framed glasses and grow a sleezy John Waters moe.
OMG I love turtles, I had one when I was 16, I stole it from the local primary school, I believe it was the year 6 class room pet. This one day when I was smoking weed with my dad, we thought it would be funny if we got it stoned….. it died, I think the moral of that story was to not put pets in small cardboard boxes and pump smoke into it.
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ReplyDeleteLife is shit Nicole and it's how we deal with it that defines us. I find writing therapeutic, and i didn't anticipate anyone really giving a fuck about what i have to say, i just say it, escpecially when it was about my relationship disintegrating. That post wasn't meant to offend anyone or get anyone offside, but if it did, i can't complain.
ReplyDelete